


This Heaven Gives Her Migraine

by Jennifer-Oksana (JenniferOksana)



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 14:44:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4923634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenniferOksana/pseuds/Jennifer-Oksana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What is safe?</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Heaven Gives Her Migraine

“It’s not safe,” Cristina murmured at about three-fifteen in the morning as she turned over, voice thick with sleep.

“What’s not safe?” Meredith asked, staring at the ceiling, sandy-eyed and clutching to Cristina’s blanket. She was refusing to look at the clock, because the clock gave her too much information about how many hours she’d gone without sleep, and that way she didn’t feel so sleepless.

“That _thing_ you feel with Derek, afterward, when the world stops? That’s not safe,” Cristina said. “That’s euphoria.”

“I think I know the difference between euphoria and safety,” Meredith countered, feeling individual hairs wrinkling with her brow. Also, an itchy patch on her left fore-arm.

“I don’t think you do, and think about it,” Cristina said bluntly, shifting and adjusting and tugging on the blanket. “I’m going to sleep now.”

Meredith tugged the blanket back. “No way,” she croaked. “There can’t be sleeping after you tell me I don’t feel safe with Derek, just euphoric. There is going to be discussion, there’s going to be immediate and deep discussion of this.”

Cristina made a long, sighing-grunting-groaning noise that was so completely unattractive that Meredith almost chuckled. “Fine,” she snarled. “If you feel so safe, why can’t you say anything during your safe moment?”

They had been over this. They had been over this more than once. “Because if I say anything…”

Cristina groaned, and while Meredith couldn’t see it, she was pretty sure Cristina was also rolling her eyes. “It might come apart. That’s why it’s euphoria. It’s this weird, exhilarating moment of unreality that feels like reality, and it feels really good, but you can’t think about it too hard, or reality and not-reality, just, y’know, _collide._ ”

Meredith frowned. Her hair was itching, but Lexie was somewhere in her house. Probably still having sex with Alex. Alex, who apparently did not understand the unspoken rule that there was to be No Sex in the Champagne Room.

Okay, that didn’t make any sense even in her _brain._

Okay, she really needed to sleep before she started telling Alex there was no sex in the champagne room, because Alex would totally mock her for that.

Cristina shifted again. Oh, she thought maybe Meredith was too tired to think, and was trying to sleep more. Oh, that was so. not. happening.

“Alex is having sex with Lexie. In my house,” Meredith said.

“Izzie and George, too,” Cristina said. “Well, maybe not. They’re kind of giant wusses like that.”

“I’m the only person in my own house not having sex,” Meredith said. “My sister is having sex in my house, the sister I don’t even want to know, but I am sex-free. And sleep free.”

“And what am I, chopped liver?” Cristina asked crankily. It was always kind of dangerous to keep her awake when she wanted to sleep, but Meredith was delirious and living dangerously. “If you wanted sex, you could call Shepherd. I don’t have that option.”

Meredith paused. “It would take a long time to get to McDreamy,” she said. “He lives on the lake.”

“Yeah, I never got that,” Cristina said.

“It’s freedom. And the lake is kind of nice.”

“He lives in a trailer on a lake. It’s like, the ultimate sign of arrested development,” Cristina replied. “It makes it so that if you can’t sleep, you can’t put it on him. He gets to have you when you’re perfect Meredith, and then complains when you read the signs and don’t come knocking when you aren’t.”

Meredith frowned. “That’s kind of unfair to Derek. He’s been there for me. He’s…”

“Decided it’s time for him to get married, and thus you’re ahem, hurting him, because you don’t respond on command,” Cristina snapped back. “Jeez, if I wanted to be with you, I wouldn’t get pissed because it’s not happening on my timeline. That would be the last thing on my mind, my stupid-ass timeline.”

“If you wanted to be with me?” Meredith asked.

“Yeah, if. Which I don’t, because you’re cool as hell, but you seem to want to be bullied, and I don’t really want to be a bully,” Cristina replied with a light shrug.

“Also, hello, girl,” Meredith said, blinking and trying to consider Cristina wanting to be with her.

“Like that matters,” Cristina said.

Meredith gaped, somewhat appalled. “Oh my god, like that matters? Cristina…”

“Maybe if there were more top female surgeons, this would have been more obvious,” Cristina said. “I’m, I don’t know, _talentsexual._ Talent gets me off in a big way.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t realize that meant you could go for girl talent,” Meredith said. “Does this mean you had a thing for Bailey?”

“Had?” Cristina asked. “She’s scarier than all the McDouchebags put together while being a third their size. I may have some lust, while being totally respectful of the fact she’s a married black lady who could kick my ass.”

Meredith was half-laughing, half-gasping. “Seriously, I am either really stoned from sleep deprivation or that was really, really funny,” she said. “Talentsexual. Seriously!”

“Well, there has to be a word that describes someone who gets turned on by intelligent people of both genders. It’s not like I find Hooters girls or male models sexy, but give me someone who can, I don’t know, hack the kernel, and I’m suddenly twitchy in my pants,” Cristina said. “Also, by the way, _this_ comes far closer to a sane definition of safe than your previous, somewhat retarded one.”

Nose wrinkled, Meredith turned over and kicked Cristina in the ankle. “What?” she asked.

“Okay, you feel comfortable keeping me awake for half an hour, interrogating me about my sexual preferences and my brain-crush on Bailey,” Cristina said in a voice of perfect reason. “You know that I’m going to take it out on your sister and possibly Hahn tomorrow, and then I’m going to probably snap at you for helping me screw up with Hahn…again. But do you even hesitate to do it?”

“That’s different,” Meredith said lamely, the information flowing slow but weird over her addled brain receptors. Because Cristina made sense but couldn’t be right.

“Whatever,” Cristina said. “Seriously. I’m getting my last forty-five minutes of sleep. If you bug me now, I will smother you with a pillow.”

She definitively moved away from Meredith, shoving her head deep into her pillow. Meredith stared at Cristina’s shoulder, attempting to think.

Thinking was hard when your best friend was talentsexual and you weren’t sure where you were safe, Meredith realized. And she really just wanted to snuggle up against Cristina and sleep for forty minutes.

So very, very carefully, she did, muttering, “sleeping now. promise,” to Cristina when Cristina’s elbow moved in a way that promised jabbing.

What was safe? What was…oh, to HELL with it, Meredith realized. Warm. Tired. No time to care.

Better than…lots of things, this. Now.

No thinking. Thinking was bad. Just. Tired. Warm. Safe. Sleep now.


End file.
